Alfred F. Jones
Hey you guys!






July 4, 1993


6'1"/215 lbs.


13 inches, oak, unicorn tail hair core


Bald eagle


  • Yes, please
  • Gryffindor Captain
  • Position: Beater
  • Broom: Comet 340

Classes & Clubs

  • Potions
  • Transfiguration
  • Charms
  • Herbology
  • Defense Against the Dark Arts
  • Pre-Auror Training
  • Muggle Studies


  • Muggle Sports Club
  • Comic Books and Culture Club
  • Newspaper Club


  • Parents
    • Arthur Kirkland: Hogwarts Alumnus and former professor of Transfiguration
    • Gwen Kirkland (Deceased): Hogwarts Alumna and former professor of History of Magic
  • Siblings
    • Matthew Kirkland: Hufflepuff 7th year (twins)
    • Peter Kirkland: Gryffindor 3rd year


  • Gryffindor Tower, Hogwarts, Hogsmeade, Scotland, UK
  • Marylebone, Westminster, London, England, UK
  • 15e Arrondissement, Paris, Île-de-France, France


Alfred tends to be loud, obnoxious, and starved for attention. He can't stand not being the apple of the peoples' eye, and as such he does everything in his power to get noticed and look good doing it. Unfortunately, he's rather self-centered (as if that wasn't apparent), and his ideas of what is awesome don't always correspond with the rest of the world's. In short, he pretty much gets on everyone's nerves. Most find it hard to hate him completely, though, since he is actually very friendly (in his overbearing way) and he is willing to listen to others' ideas (even if he does usually change them and take credit for them later). He considers himself a big damn hero, and has actually proved it once or twice, rescuing damsels in distress from amorous squids and rampaging dragons.


Alfred is a pureblooded wizard, born to a respectable, wealthy London family who impressed upon him from a very young age the values and traditions of proper wizarding society and what it means to be a respectable gentleman.

Well, sort of.

Born and raised in Marylebone, City of Westminster, Alfred nevertheless spent his childhood feeling rather isolated from the world. Alfred's mother had died shortly after he and his brother were born, and his father worked for the Ministry of Magic, Department of International Magical Cooperation, which often took him around the world and away from his boys. Even when he was home, although he loved his children very much, Arthur was never the most affectionate of parents. Alfred began acting out at a very young age, as he had quickly learned that it was a good way to get both nannies and his father to pay attention to him. Of course, such behavior also ensured that nannies didn't last long in the Kirkland house, since few could tolerate his rambunctious behavior for long. By the age of five, Alfred was starting to plan his worst offenses specifically just before his father was due to come home, thinking that if he'd forced the nanny to quit, Arthur would have no choice but to stay home himself. Unfortunately, it never worked.

Before entering Hogwarts, Alfred and his brothers were educated at home by various governesses, who usually lasted about as long as the nannies. Since Matthew, the only other child his age Alfred had any regular interaction with, usually succumbed fairly easily to Alfred's bullying and did as Alfred asked, he expected the rest of his peers, whenever he did meet them, to act the same way, and would sometimes react violently when they didn't. For this reason, Alfred wasn't taken often to play with other children. Instead, he got to vent his frustrations on Matthew and their younger brother Peter, adopted into the family when the twins were four.

By the time he was eleven, Alfred had grown into a badly-socialized brat with a healthy resentment toward his always-absent father and his ever-changing caretakers. The majority of his first term at Hogwarts was spent in detention, for reasons ranging from not paying attention in class to getting into fights with the other students. Gradually, though, some of Alfred's dormmates began to crack through his shell. Even though they were a far cry from the quiet and esaily-bossed Matthew, they did teach Alfred that sometimes it's more fun to have co-conspirators than subordinates.

Also, Alfred learned that year how to fly a broom. He quickly realized that flying was right up there with breathing as far as activities he enjoyed.

His first summer break, however, came with mixed blessings. The good news was that Alfred's father had managed to rearrange his schedule such that he would be home, for the most part, when the boys were home, and do most of his traveling during the school year, while they were away. Unfortunately, the bad news was, Alfred began to realize that he and his father didn't get along. After the relative freedom of Hogwarts (once he'd stopped getting so many detentions, anyway), Arthur's continual presence seemed strict and overbearing. As the years went by, the rift between them only deepened. Alfred took to spending his summers exploring muggle London, much to his traditionalist father's chagrin.

Everything came to a head during the Christmas holidays Alfred's fifth year in a fight that ended in Alfred's running away from home on the broomstick he had recently bought himself with his very own money. With a new feeling of freedom (that's what the F stands for), he got himself a kitten and a girlfriend in short order, and everything seemed to be going fine. That is, until his father left his position at the Ministry for Magic and took up a teaching spot at Hogwarts itself. Nevertheless, Alfred still felt as though he'd won his little war of independence.

Rather than returning to his father's house that summer, Alfred made plans to live with his father's cousin in Paris and earn some extra cash by working in his bakery. However, when he and his girlfriend broke up shortly before the end of the school year, Alfred found himself a bit lonelier than he'd expected in a country whose language he didn't really speak. Nevertheless, he managed to entertain himself by practicing his French with customers, learning to bake, abusing the Hogwarts journal system, entertaining guests, and drinking underage.

Halfway through the summer, his girlfriend rediscovered her journal, and that was all it took to rekindle their lost romance. (Well, that and a massive argument which resulted in Alfred flooing from Paris to London and kicking down her door, among other things.) Immediately afterwards, he set out for quidditch camp, which was everything he dreamed it would be and more. Even though England didn't make it to the Quidditch World Cup Finals (and America didn't even play), being able to go to the game may have been the highlight of Alfred's young life. The fact that he was able to return from camp to spend the rest of the summer living with Marta certainly didn't hurt either.

Starting sixth year was a bit of a blow, especially with the massive amount of work piled on by his teachers to mark the beginning of NEWT level courses, and the fact that his father was now teaching a subject that Alfred was required to take. But being named quidditch captain for the year did soften the impact (like a cushioning charm against a bludger to the head).


When everybody loves you, you can never be lonely.



Alfred's fellow Beater. She teases him a lot, but they get along pretty well. She always seems a little confused when he suggests that he cares about her, but it's pretty clear that the feeling is mutual. He calls her hermano, even though that's grammatically incorrect, but it's okay because she calls him hermana anyway. When she's not calling him binky or fat. They're both up for a game of blindfolded bludgerball whenever the opportunity presents itself. Also, they accidentally know way more about each others' issues than either of them would probably like to, but at least it doesn't make things too awkward. Usually. They do have staggeringly different views on some things, which can lead to heated arguments, but that only cements their sibling relationship more. Of course, now that Botan's cat got Alfred's cat pregnant, they might be more like grandparents. The two got into a big argument about Alfred's supposedly "unhealthy relationships" when he started dating Fin, and since Botan claimed that she "gets angry every time she sees him," they only made up when a castle event made them ~*sing their feelings*~ at each other in the form of an adorable mouse duet. But now they're bros again.

Fin FishEdit

She threatened to destroy his broom and dressed him up in a French maid outfit, but for some reason he still doesn't hate her outright. They've even started to become friends, after Alfred was concerned for Fin after she took a hard loss as temporary quidditch captain, and Fin came to visit Alfred in the hospital wing after he hurt himself fighting his father. Fin made more progress in patching up their family issues than anyone else managed to, and slowly she's beginning to (though not entirely purposefully) let him in on her own issues. However, she disappeared shortly after the start of Alfred's sixth year, leaving only a letter saying she didn't know when they'd see each other again, and to always be the hero he believed he was. He missed her a lot, and worried if she was okay (what little he knew about her home life was slightly questionable), but he knew Fin is a strong girl that can take care of herself. Sure enough, Fin later returned, though she got quite defensive when Alfred said he had worried about her, and told him to worry about other people. Currently she claims to hate him, and insists that he should hate her as well. To prove it, she made him a picnic lunch spiked with a shrinking solution, and then finally followed through on her promise to destroy his broom. He still can't bring himself to hate her, but for a long time he couldn't bring himself to talk to her, either. Eventually, though, a few months later, Fin finally explained her reasons for what she'd done, and the two started becoming friends again. Her pie is delicious. Later, after several awkward bonding experiences including Fin being turned into a Pokemon and sleeping in Alfred's bed, Alfred decided to ask her out. It took a couple of days and some harsh words on how stupid he is, but she eventually accepted. Their relationship actually went really well for a while! It was slower than any relationship he'd had before, but after his previous trainwreck, it was kind of nice to take a break. Unfortunately, Fin graduated shortly after they began dating. Spending the summer together was great, but when they returned to school, their fairly normal relationship had suddenly become an illict teacher/student one. They tried out keeping things on the down-low, but eventually decided to break up to avoid losing Fin her job. ((dropped))

Marta LualdiEdit

His girlfriend fiancée ex-fiancée. They started talking through the journals shortly after winter break his fifth year, her fourth. When she wrote him a story about dinosaur-mounted lasers and aliens with jetpacks, it was love at first sight. She was looking for a knight in shining armor hero, he was looking for someone to dote on him endlessly. In other words: they were perfect for each other.... Even if they don't really have that much in common. They eventually broke up when Marta's jealousy and Alfred's tactile nature (with his majority female friend group) reached a boiling point, but got back together again after a heated argument brought Alfred to London to stop Marta from making out with her (actually imaginary) new boyfriend. It's complicated. More recently, Alfred's actually begun to hear the wedding bells that have been ringing in Marta's head. He decided to propose to her before she could propose to him (because making a woman propose is totally lame) in Hogsmeade at the beginning of October. Needless to say, she accepted. They planned to wait until they were both out of school to get married, but plans have changed slightly now that they've broken up again. ((dropped))

Raimei ShimizuEdit

A close friend of his, though they bicker almost constantly. Their relationship started off back in first year, when they beat the living crap out of each other. Once someone finally pried them apart, and after glaring at each other through countless detentions, they pretty much decided they hated each other for a long time. At least, until Alfred came back to school one September and realized she was totally cute. He eventually got over his crush, but through his persistence they developed a friendship something like siblinghood (which explains all the bickering). He'd consider himself the older brother, even though he's actually three months younger. Even though they tend to butt heads, Raimei is very important to him. Near the end of their fifth year, Raimei discovered that Alfred had been, "for her own good," helping to hide her brother's presence from her since March, which put a bit of a strain on their relationship (in fact, for a while she insisted they were no longer friends). Nevertheless, he didn't give up. She did eventually forgive him for what he did, and they are fast friends again. ((dropped))


Their relationship got off to a rocky start when Haseo started dating Raimei, but once Alfred started getting over her-- and Haseo was determined that Alfred shouldn't hate him-- they actually became good friends. They get along best when they're giving each other a hard time, but when shit goes down they usually have each others' backs. Alfred thinks he's a bit of a buttinski, but overall a good guy. He seems to always manage to pull Haseo out of his slumps by being, well, ridiculously normal, and for his part Haseo does the same for him. ((dropped))

Toris LorainisEdit

They've known each other for a while and are pretty good friends, despite being in different houses. Alfred thinks Toris needs to be a little more assertive sometimes, but he knows he's got it in him. Alfred accidentally scared the crap out of him one time when he was in a foul mood, but Toris has since forgiven him for it. Alfred seems to be the only person, besides his brothers, that Toris trusts completely (although he's still not always entirely open with him). ((dropped))

Shin SawadaEdit

Alfred's friend and roommate since first year. Like most of Alfred's friends, they give each other a good-natured hard time. Shin is partly responsible for, if not introducing, certainly fostering Alfred's muggle fascination since, as a half-blood, he was able to tell him a lot about the muggle world. He invited Alfred to spend time at his house one summer, but that was rather short-lived, because of his MILF mom... reasons.


The only other clueless, rich pureblood in Alfred's dorm. He's kind of weird, and occasionally obnoxious, but he's a pretty okay guy when he's not being all PDA in the common room. He knows how to have a good time, at least. ((dropped))

Yosuke HanamuraEdit

Another of Alfred's roommates, though they weren't always friends. Recently, though, Yosuke has opened a bit, leading him and Alfred to become closer. It's a bit of a tenuous relationship, though, given that they are both stubborn and hot-headed enough for half of their conversations to end in shouting matches. Oh, and Yosuke's not a big fan of quidditch. Clearly, this is a mental deficiency. Nevertheless, he's a pretty alright guy. ((dropped))

Mitsuki KoyamaEdit

A cute little girl that is cute and very friendly. He likes her. They went out for ice cream once. It was adorable. Then they rode away on a baby unicorn over a rainbow and it rained kittens. He gave her a hug when she was sad and everyone around exploded into confetti. One time when she was a jigglypuff he soooort of stretched out her face, but he didn't mean to. At least, he didn't mean to do it to her. ((dropped))

Maka AlbarnEdit

Gryffindor chaser and little sister friend. Maka may be kind of a loser bookworm, but she's pretty sweet. She's one of the only ones on the team to address Alfred by his proper title of Captain, and always seems pretty impressed with his enthusiasm. She's also Professor Albarn's daughter, which means she's probably crazy.

Maron KusakabeEdit

Mom TA for Defense Against the Dark Arts and Sex Ed instructor in a pinch. She and Alfred seem to be at odds more often than not, with her frequent scolding him (for various indescretions) and giving him detentions. She does it because she cares, though, and Alfred still likes her despite himself. His appearing naked in her sink during an unfortunate event hasn't helped anything, though. Accidentally telling each other way too much about their love lives after a truth serum event has helped even less. Still, he trusts her, and respects her advice a lot more than that of other adults (and many of his peers). He still doesn't appreciate the scolding, though.

Daine SarrasriEdit

A fellow Gryffindor, they see each other fairly often even though they are in different years. Alfred might think Daine's a little bit of a weirdo for being so nature-happy, but she is super-sweet and he has to admit that talking to birds is kind of cool. Especially when she introduced him to a bald eagle called Spirit. Alfred's disappointed that she didn't try out for the quidditch team, but being Head Girl is pretty cool too. Lately they've been getting a bit closer, especially after a particularly nasty Hogwarts event that had all the students living out their worst fears. Daine confided in him, and he promised to be there for her if she ever needs him again. For her part, she's been very good at being there for him. She bought him as a dance partner at the recent quidditch auction, shortly after Marta broke up with him for the second time. Even if it was mostly to keep Sara from winning, it was a nice gesture. He decided to ask her out during the dance, although some winter break awkwardness led to him avoiding her for a while. Needless to say, they eventually broke up, although no one was expecting their split to be as dramatic as it was. They've mostly gotten over it now, thanks to death and kittens, but there's still a lot of awkward going on. ((dropped))

Crona MakenshiEdit

A soft-spoken, but good-hearted, Hufflepuff girl, whom Alfred has talked to several times. He was a bit disturbed when he found out that she was a Parselmouth, but he's more or less gotten over it. He considers Crona a friend and feels the need to look out for her.

Chie SatonakaEdit

A girl from his year that likes video games and muggle movies and kicking people and quidditch and is therefore awesome. She was one of the few that humored him in his insistence that Abby was, in fact, a girl broom, and comforted him after her untimely demise.

Mulan FaEdit

She's a year younger than him, and one of Marta's roommates. They've been friends for a while, and they get along pretty well. Sometimes she seems to think he's a little overzealous (untrue), but they both enjoy quidditch and being awesome and manly.

Chidori YoshinoEdit

He still considers her his friend, even though she's told him the feeling is not exactly mutual. Hope springs eternal. She's pretty good at stroking his ego even if it's usually sarcastic.


A nice Hufflepuff girl in Alfred's year. She comes from America and she loves to cook, both of which obviously make her a contender for Alfred's favorite person. She doesn't have a lot of tolerance for shenanigans, though, and she always has her nose buried in work. ((dropped))

Souji SetaEdit

A Hufflepuff prefect TA for charms, yet still a pretty okay guy. Probably the only person that's ever called him "Oh right, Matthew's brother." He might be a little boring, but he knows about things like airplanes, and he's pretty good at hiding the fact that he thinks Alfred is nuts.

Billy KaplanEdit

He has muggle comic books! That's so cool. Even if they don't move or do anything. Also he's gay. Apparently. But that's cool! Alfred's totally okay with that. Totally.

Suzaku KururugiEdit

Fellow Gryffindor and teammate, he and Alfred are jock buddies, bonding over manly things like punching stuff... fixing things... cooking outdoors... oh, and cats. And girls being confusing. ((dropped))

Wilbur RobinsonEdit

A dopey kid in Gryffindor. He's kind of crazy and gets himself into trouble a lot. He gave Alfred a Rubik's cube (the cube has since been terminated), and Alfred taught him about like like. He's got potential as a quidditch player, if he doesn't set himself on fire or something first.

Lili RochefortEdit

She sure is something. Lili's one of the people that Alfred actually enjoys arguing with. It's always pretty intense. And she can hold her own in conversations about awesome things like quidditch and beating the crap out of people (not that this is terribly different from many of his friends, but her sarcasm adds something). Also she's pretty hot. Things turned sour(er) between them when Lili started dating his brother Matthew, and actually came to blows at one point-- unfortunately, while Lili was in Alfred's body (not like that). Somehow, though, less than two weeks later, she had made him into her confidant and personal trainer for what was likely going to turn into a suicide mission. And then they talked about his sex life. The world truly does work in mysterious ways.

Quinn FabrayEdit

For a Slytherin, she's not so bad. She's been in Alfred's classes for six years now, so they know each other a little. She can be kind of annoying, talking about boys and... shoes or whatever, but at least she's not talking about how everyone else in the world sucks. Also she's recently developed a crush on Shin, and Alfred enjoys teasing both of them for that. ((dropped))

Spirit AlbarnEdit

Pre-Auror Training professor and head of Gryffindor House. Alfred's not a big fan of authority figures, but if he had to pick an adult to trust, it would probably be Papa. It probably helps that Spirit's not always the most... mature of people. Even though he's not a big fan of boys, he seems to be quite fond of Alfred, and tries to help him out (albeit not too successfully) with his teenage troubles. ((dropped))

Samus AranEdit

Their relationship is... interesting. They initially started talking over the journals when Samus mentioned her guardian's desire to send her to military bootcamp for the summer. Alfred thought this sounded like the greatest thing since sliced bread. Samus was less thrilled. Somehow this led to a quick friendship. Alfred wasn't sure whether to believe her when she claimed not to have a crush on him (after offering to badtouch him and see if he liked it), and he's not sure whether he'd mind if she did, but he won't let it be an issue. Recently she promised to kick the crap out of him for refusing to fight girls. In the end, it was a tie, or at least until they find time for a rematch. ((dropped))

Lenalee LeeEdit

He's always thought she was a nice girl, but ever since the castle took them ten years into the future, where Lenalee was his tragically widowed sister-in-law, he's sort of adopted her as another little sister (who's actually older than him) he never had, except that he did. In the future. It's complicated. Either way, she's a comfort when he's having a bad day, and a pleasure when he's not. ((dropped))

Tohru HondaEdit

A sweet girl that Alfred is rather fond of. He thinks she's adorable (and often flirts, though without really meaning to), but their relationship has always been purely platonic. They often help each other out with things and encourage each other. Tohru graduated from Hogwarts at the end of Alfred's fifth year, but is returning in the fall to become a TA, which makes Alfred happy. ((dropped))


A perky muggleborn girl who is always eager to play video games or have an adventure. She teases Alfred a lot, which he deals with more or less badly depending on the circumstances, but she always seems to make it up to him by saying something silly or being on his side all along. He's not quite sure she really appreciates how awesome he is, but she shares lots of muggle stuff with him, so it's alright. ((dropped))


Matthew KirklandEdit

Alfred's twin brother. Most people mistake him for Alfred, which Alfred sometimes uses to his advantage, though it does irk him (after all, "I'm much better-looking!"). They get along alright as long as Matthew stays out of his way, but they've been having a lot of problems recently. A... lot of problems. Alfred really does care about his brother, deep down, he just has a hard time expressing it.

Peter KirklandEdit

Alfred's obnoxious brat of a younger brother. For some reason, Peter really looks up to him, which Alfred finds flattering, if incredibly annoying. Like Matthew, they've recently been getting along less and less, although Alfred never means to upset Peter as much as he does.

Jomy Marquis ShinEdit

Who the hell understands Jomy, seriously? He's sort of quiet and reserved, but he also enjoys pulling pranks and asking awkward questions. But he can hold his own in a fight, so that's always a plus in Alfred's book.

Kazuhiko YukimiEdit

The Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. He seems to think Alfred is just like he was when he was in school, but that is quite clearly not true, as he was a Slytherin and Alfred is most definitely not a Slytherin. He's also currently married to Maron, as a result of a drunken bad decision, which Alfred also thinks is stupid, since he has had a fiancée. But for some reason Yukimi wants Alfred to be his protegé anyway.

Shirley FenetteEdit

Another Hufflepuff prefect. They didn't get along too badly at first, until their personalities started to clash. Shirley hates how immature Alfred acts, and Alfred hates the way she preaches at him about acting immature. The fact that she can later talk to him like they're best friends again is just weird. ((dropped))

Hikaru HitachiinEdit

He and his brother are pair of trolls. Seriously, they're jerks. One of them posted a picture of Alfred and Matthew snuggling that was not for public consumption (and it was an accident anyway!!). And then implied that they were having sex on the sly. (Which the Hitachiins do. Seriously. All the time. Goddamn.)

Gau MeguroEdit

He defends Raikou, which as far as Alfred's concerned, makes him part of the problem. Even so, he's also friends with Raimei, and at least appears to be concerned about her welfare. Alfred isn't sure how much to trust him, but he might not be all bad. ((dropped))

Saralegui SargonEdit

They had a chance to get along, they really did. But then Sara insulted him (rather inadvertently, the first time), and his natural tendancy for teasing certainly didn't help matters. They were pretty much constantly at odds ever since then, even though Sara eventually became rather friendly with Alfred's circle of friends. Recently, through circumstances no one completely understands, they managed to have a civilized conversation, and even agreed to hang out at some point. However, after a night of drunken awkwardness, it's unsure where their precarious 'friendship' is headed now. After an unfortunate incident with some truth serum, they both know a little more about each other than they probably wanted to. They still don't get along very well, but Alfred is watching out for Sara. Secretly. ((dropped))

Yao WongEdit

Alfred's uncle, and new professor. While the inability to get along with Arthur is usually a plus in Alfred's book, the two of them never really managed to hit it off. They never interacted much when Alfred was young, and conversations tend to go the awkward way conversations do with relatives one sees only once in a blue moon. Alfred partially blames Yao for James' intrusion into his life, although he was also the one to take him out of it again. ((dropped))


Arthur KirklandEdit

Alfred's father, and current nightmare. After ignoring him for three months following Alfred's Christmas rebellion, he followed his sons to Hogwarts and took up a teaching position, much to the dismay of... all three of them, really. What really frustrates Alfred, though, is Arthur's refusal to just get mad at him. Even worse, he's gone so far as to be generally approving of Alfred's choices. The cad! Beginning in Alfred's sixth year, Arthur undertook to get even more involved, becoming a professor for the required subject of Transfiguration. Alfred loathed the idea of doing homework for that jerk his father, but he wanted to do well in his class, perhaps more so than any other. Just to prove that he could. However, halfway through the year, Arthur mysteriously disappeared (not that Alfred was worried about him, no sir), and returned later to take up the subject of history instead. Alfred was relieved, not that his father had come back, but at least that he was teaching a class now that Alfred was not enrolled in. ((dropped))


They've been at odds ever since they were both sorted into Gryffindor on their first day of school. The fact that they both had rather belligerent personalities didn't help anything at all. Over the years they've gotten in numerous fights, and even more numerous detentions (and since they earned the wrath of their older housemates by losing so many house points, it wasn't unusual to find one or both of them hanging from something in the common room). The phsyical altercations have gotten less frequent now that they're in sixth year, but they still argue a lot. A lot. ((dropped))

Raikou ShimizuEdit

Raimei's older brother, and also the (supposed) destroyer of the Shimizu clan. Alfred has hated him on principle ever since Raimei told him the story of her parents' murder, and Raikou has not done much to redeem himself in Alfred's admittedly biased eyes since turning up at Hogwarts not terribly long after. He wasn't expecting someone quite so... gay, though. It's since come out that the truth about that night is a little different; Raikou didn't murder his family, and Raimei is coming to terms with the real story. However, Alfred still hasn't forgiven him for lying to her (and making him lie to her) in the first place. ((dropped))

Belphegor VariaEdit

A rather nasty piece of work. Alfred got involved with him in the defense of several of his friends, including Raimei. He initially challenged him to a fight, but later backed down when Raimei made him promise, leading Bel to brand him as a coward and full of hot air. Bel infuriates him, but as he doesn't want to get expelled, or worse, upset Raimei, Alfred hasn't attempted to do anything about it yet. ((dropped))

James WongEdit

Alfred's cousin. James lived at the Kirkland house for a period as a child, after his parents divorced and his mother (Arthur's sister), fell ill. Alfred didn't take kindly to the new addition to the family, especially with his tendency to be blunt and lack the smiles and exuberance that made Peter (the other intruder) somewhat endearing. ((dropped))

Sveinn HalvorsenEdit

(aka Jean-Claude) Norwegian sumbitch who went after Marta after she and Alfred broke up. Probably chases dragons in his spare time, though he looks a bit wimpy for that. He isn't to be allowed to get away with anything.

Yuri LowellEdit

They got off on the wrong foot when Yuri introduced himself as an ex-con, and since then he's taken it into his head to fuck with Alfred at every opportunity. Alfred's convinced he's probably some sort of psychopath. ((dropped))


Although Alfred initially decided that Li was below his notice, seeming to be rather incompetent for a Ministry member, he chose to pick on Alfred on the wrong day (namely, when he was feeling particularly anti-establishment), and got a few choice words in return. Li responded with a threat, and Alfred moved him to the enemies list pretty darn quick. He's not a big fan of his relationship with Fin, either. What is going on there? ((dropped))



(Pronounced, but not spelled, Thirteen) His cat, an orange tabby with a white star on her forehead. She was given to him by Lind Wanijima, who claims she came in a box left at his house by a stripper, after winter vacation his fifth year. Raimei's cat Chaser is her sister. 13 likes to wander around Gryffindor tower, which she owns, and whore herself out for pets, but she (almost) always comes back at night to sleep on Alfred, and has admitted (when she could speak English) that she finds him pretty cute, for a human. Things got even more awkward when all the pets of Hogwarts turned human for one weekend. 13 wasn't very fond of human clothing (as most cats aren't), but was still quite fond of sleeping in Alfred's bed. She recently gave birth to five kittens, since Alfred couldn't be bothered to get her fixed over the summer, and Botan doesn't know what cat balls look like. Alfred's planning on giving the kittens away, but he already gave them all names (and they are Tenny, Kenny, Missy, Tex, and Little Al).


Abby for short. A Comet 260 painted candy-apple red and kept in top condition with tender loving care. Alfred purchased her at the beginning of his fifth year at Hogwarts, with the money he made from his first summer job. Later, she carried him all the way from London back to Hogwarts when he ran away from home. In a way, Abby represents his independence. He considers her his baby and wears her (travel-sized for convenience) on a cord around his neck for safekeeping. Some people find this strange. She was eventually broken by Fin (in an effort to get Alfred to hate her), and was afterward thrown into the lake. Alfred heavily grieved her loss, but he missed the sky too much to go without a broom for long. He's not interested in a replacement Abby, but a successor. He knows she would have wanted him to move on.


Alfred's new broom, a Comet 340. He picked her out after test-flying a couple of brooms one Hogsmeade weekend. She handles really well, and he took some time to make a few improvements of his own over the winter holiday. She won't ever be the same as Abby, but she's pretty promising nonetheless. She also lives around his neck, of course, with the addition of a few extra charms to keep her super safe.


  • Alfred's only weakness is freshly-baked apple pie. Preferably with vanilla ice cream.
    • Definitely not ghosts. He's not afraid of them, okay, he just doesn't like them.
      • Just because his boggart is a ghost doesn't mean anything.
  • The F stands for Freedom. Not Floyd, whatever you've heard.
  • His last name isn't actually Jones in any legal sense. He just made that one up. Somehow he gets everyone to call him that anyway.
  • Contrary to popular belief, Alfred does not have herpes. Only mouth AIDS.
    • And he Did Not Have Sex With That Woman.
    • He does sleep with Abigail, but only because she's on a cord around his neck. Perverts.
  • He must have picked up that American accent from watching all those muggle movies. Obviously.
  • No, he and Raimei are never going to get together, so don't ask.
    • They do have a daughter in one alternate future, though. Oops.
  • I don't really know how he and Matthew have different birthdays. They just have to. Sucks for his dead mom, I guess.
  • Alfred sleeps with all the girls. If he hasn't yet, he probably will. Current tally: |||| ||||
  • Alfred has a stuffed bunny named Benjamin whom he's had since he was little. Even though he considers himself too old now to care about stuffed animals, he rescued Benjamin from his father's house at the end of the summer, and keeps him hidden underneath his bed.
  • In actual fact, the father that he hates so much isn't even Alfred's biological father. His mother had a brief affair with Arthur's cousin, Francis, which resulted in the birth of the twins. Arthur probably realized this, but refuses to accept it, especially after Gwen's death. The boys themselves have no idea.
    • This explains a lot. Why yes, their family is quite fucked up.

See AlsoEdit

Played by Feuillu

External LinksEdit

Character journal

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